
I open my arm
To uncurl from my frame
As you walk your fingers
Delicately step by step
To the tender nook of my arm
Every step along the way
You create a little more space
For me to exhale
And come home into me
I open my arm
To uncurl from my frame
As you walk your fingers
Delicately step by step
To the tender nook of my arm
Every step along the way
You create a little more space
For me to exhale
And come home into me
I see you with the deep caring in your eyes
I hear you with your heart in the fingers on the keys
I taste you with the salt on your lips
I feel you with the warmth in your hands
I sense you with your breath on my cheek
I love you with all of me for all of you
the great pause
was on hold for a moment
with a window open
for such a brief breath
I had held it together
for so many months
I was so grateful to see them
to see their new home
to see how
they are putting away their things
but so much in me has changed
it’s hard for me to say what my role is now
is it to bear witness
or is it to be seen
Press me up against the wall
Throw me on the bed
Make me gasp with delight
I want to feel your love
Feel it in the marrow of bones
Feel it in the lining of my spine
…
Unlike before
When I stood alone
Removed from even myself
Not wanting to dance
Not wanting to feel
That absence
It feels so indulgent, the way you look at me with your eyes.
It feels so indulgent, the way you strive to understand me.
It feels so indulgent, the way you quench my flesh.
It feels so indulgent, the way you love me so thoroughly.
Do I dare ask whether I am allowed to indulge myself so?
Gobbling up all this love
Bursting with my luscious curves
Satiation my mind with overly rich thoughts
Expressing each emotion as if uncovering a gem
Yes, I think it’s okay to be this happy
I didn’t know
I was scratching
This crinkle in me
Tell me I’m bad
Tell me I’m not good
It feels so soothing
But you saw
And paused me
In this crease
This is not good
You said gently
With such care
And I saw
My fingernails
On my skin
this minute
getting ready for the next minute
preparing for the minute after that
leading up to the subsequent minute
setting me up to not fail in a future minute
and when I look back
at all these minutes
stacked up into days
into weeks, months, and years
I feel pride
anger
sadness
loneliness
I’d like to look
under the layer of shoulds
of this minute
to fall and surrender
maybe this minute
is not just a minute
but is all I have now
what did I set off
when I listened to your stories of Africa
what did I stir up
when I smiled as you entered the room
what did I touch inside
when I sent you the video of the dancer
what propelled you to go for a run that weekend
did you know then what you would be running from
and what you would be running to
running
to feel alive again
to feel connected
to feel in love again
this sadness I carry
no longer relegated to the back room
it is with tender and care
that I bring it into the evening sun
sometimes it is heavy
sometimes it is light
but I am grateful
to hold it in my hands
to feel it
resting in my palms
this sadness I carry
no longer relegated to the back room
To my love,
A word – holding its sound in my mouth. Traveling the circumference of my tongue. Gently tickling the inside of my skull.
How does one hold a word? To ferry these feelings, that even my body can not contain. I am scared to let them tumble out. They are bigger than me and are all me. This love I feel for you – is a gift I give to you and is a gift I get to revel in the reflection of for myself. Its possibilities are unbound.
Today, I am using the light to inhabit space. I am working on approaching the surface of my skin. Each day. Inch by inch. Each little crevice. Melting. Opening. When I am ready.
What a gift you have given me.
My love.